The Diplomat

Tallinn, Estonia Memory

2009-03-20T10:47:00.004-05:00

I had a coupon for a free breakfast sandwich so I was driving to McDonald’s to redeem the coupon and I was listening to Jack FM because I like to keep up with the Jack Jackpot amount and a 10,000 Maniacs song was on the radio and that reminded me of a story from my past about a weird girl who looked like Natalie Merchant who I made out with in the bathroom of some Soviet-era pasta joint in

My Cassoulet, or, What I Did Over Spring Break

2008-03-24T10:49:00.012-05:00

I decided that I wanted to make something big and decadent, and so I decided I was going to make cassoulet, the French country fare which is nothing if not an unctuous celebration of the deliciousness of fat. There are a lot of different approaches to the dish; I went with Anthony Bourdain's recipe from his Les Hales Cookbook. It seemed to me to be the purest approach - no tomatoes, no

my tumblr

2008-03-11T10:20:00.001-05:00

I know I've been a little delinquent here. here's my tumblr if you care.

Into, and Call of, the Wild

2007-11-07T17:06:00.000-06:00

Impression after seeing Sean Penn's Into the Wild and then re-reading Jack London's Call of the Wild:Preface: I've never read Jon Krakauer's book about Alexander Supertramp, nee Christopher McCandless, nor did I ever meet Alexander/Christopher. The movie, however, suggests that London's book fed heavily into the young man's worldview. vs.Alexander Supertramp was one far-ass cry away, one distant,

Jeff Lewis - Will Oldham Horror Video

2007-01-26T16:32:00.000-06:00

The State of the Union

2007-01-23T21:16:00.000-06:00

Who wants to sex Mutombo?

Bloodbath

2007-01-10T09:18:00.000-06:00

This morning driving to work I passed a white pickup with stars and bars on the bumper and a gun rack. the most interesting thing about this truck was the copious amount of blood staining the sides and rear quarterpanels as if someone had had a literal bloodbath in the truck's bed and there was a lot of splashover.

7 Deadly Sins

2007-01-02T11:21:00.000-06:00

What a party!My pics are here; OtherJay's are here; and Jaxxie's are here.Be warned, we did this thing where we left my laptop out so people could snap pics that would be uploaded straight to flickr, and there are, um, a lot of them.Thanks to everyone, especially OtherJay, Trane, L'Archie and Jaxxie, who helped make this dream come true.

Muffin Quiver

2006-11-14T10:24:00.000-06:00

I was reading on wikipedia about quiverfull and Prarie Muffins, when I used this unfortunate phrase as if it were spoken by some adolescent Prarie Dawg to his buddy, "round us up a quiverfull of muffin!"I am not retiring Alabama Pipe and the Terry Road Gloryholers as my bandname, but Muffin Quiver fits a certain genre to a tee.a dio!

More Men

2006-07-18T16:58:00.000-05:00

The Mormons just came by again with their clip-on ties and their slacks and smiles and Books of Latter Day Saints. I was reading the 2nd part of Happyland in the new Harper's. I was lying on the couch. I was wearing a wife-beater and some cut-off scrubs. I was drinking a 24 oz. Red Stripe that I brought back from Austin. I was loathe to be disturbed. It was 4:30 in the afternoon."Yesterday you

Today's Hit Obit.

2006-07-11T10:34:00.000-05:00

Here's today's fave obit, which includes:During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon....In lieu of flowers, Fred asks that you make a sizable purchase at your local ABC store or Virginia winery (please, nothing French - the *censored*) and

Behold, Series 13

2006-07-06T19:27:00.001-05:00

Otherjay's birthday present to me arrived by mail to my place of work yesterday. It was packaged in a box meant for frozen waffle-cut fries and contained an assortment of items from Archie McPhee. Jay had, I guess, intended for me to have a Shriner Luau for my kittens - the package contained a ukulele, an assortment of tiki mugs, a man-sized fez, assorted smaller fezzes (yes, that is the correct

Bailey Buttons

2006-06-21T13:18:00.000-05:00

My mom and I got my dad a kitten for father's day. Allow me to introduce y'all to Bailey Buttons (there are two camps on what his name will be - the Buttons camp (my dad), and the Bailey camp (mom and me)). awwwwwwwwwww

Gayionna Narcissus Newsom Hemba

2006-05-23T08:38:00.000-05:00

this is the most ">amazing obit I've ever read in my life:it includes, but is in no way limited to:1) Gay and Glenoma hand-scrubbed with washboards and fence dried laundry, which they then starched and ironed with number 6 smoothing Irons coated in bees wax to prevent scorching. Smoothing irons also doubled as bed warmers in the winter. They were heated In the fireplace wrapped in towels and

Bricks Done Hit

2006-05-22T10:56:00.000-05:00

Here's a smattering of shots from Saturday's Hit The Bricks street fest, and assorted afterhour bar nonsense.

A Long Day

2006-05-16T14:23:00.000-05:00

These photos chronicle a period of time from some time after midnight Saturday morning to about 3:00 or so Sunday morning.Yes, there are kissing girls. Yes, there's a stripper. Yes, there's Sinbad. Yes, the Sinbad.

Prom Like Never Before

2006-05-09T14:34:00.000-05:00

I prommed my fucking ass off the other night. I heard there were even race riots later at the WH on high street. Maybe that was because I was grinding with Sally, maybe not.Anyhooey, my pics are here.Jaxxie's are here.Joosey's are here with Prom 2006 being the keywords. What fun!This picture, like my recollection, is all blood-red and ablur:

Hot New Jacksonians

2006-03-27T08:16:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was certainly a treat. Los Buddies and Hot New Mexicans entertained a Smith Park. Children ran around. The young at heart drank beer. There was the Mexican Hat Dance. There were dogs. There was sunshine. Here are pictures.

St. Pat's 2006

2006-03-24T12:04:00.000-06:00

I've (finally) uploaded my pics from the st. pat's weekend here. Kind of a mixed bag this year.Enjoy.

Need Help Mothering?

2006-03-16T09:46:00.000-06:00

How do you talk to your child about sexual predators? Here's how Tammy Rhodes handles it with her 7-year-old girl:I have sat down and drilled into her that daddies do it, grandaddies do it, preachers, coaches and that you trust no one but a momma.Thanks, Tammy. You keep drilling your daughter with your A+ mothering! (It's a CL link, that I think is down now.) Oh, this was also reported in today's

News!

2006-03-03T09:14:00.000-06:00

Today's CLED. Doused in hot oil, racked, drawn and quartered, carjacked, felt-up, and killed is next.Also in today's Ledger: Ms Coulter turns the phrase, "Also, this is gays directed by an Asian, which should satisfy the gaysians."Also: This Bike Is A Pipebomb hysteria.(click to embiggen)

Artificial Intelligence

2006-03-01T21:59:00.000-06:00

A few quick things about AI before I go to bed. Taylor did much too much woooooooting. Elliot Yamin's impressive jaw. Ace: "My beanie is a part of me. It's like a marriage." That dude's dumber than a pile of dumb ashtrays. Gedeon's smile is fucking creepy. he's a parody of the vampire wayne newton. Covais sucked. Sway's dad can't clap with the beat. I want to stuff Will into a

Happy Birthday Jaxxie Glam!

2006-02-28T08:03:00.000-06:00

If you don't think this girl is the bee's knees...Just ask this guy:Or him:Even this man will tell you:All these shits know the truth:"Oh yeah, Jaxxie," says Rupus, "I wouldn't trade her for a Great Scott gift certificate."Da Bears!:And, you know, even Gary Hilton considers himself a number one fan of Jaxxie Glam:

A Visit to the Doctor's Office

2006-02-20T17:14:00.000-06:00

plusequals a trip to the doctor. (but maybe it wasn't the chicken sandwich or the extra pickles.) I just got back from the eye doctor. a yellowish peachy gelatinous bump-like-thing grew on my left fucking EYEBALL. Right there on my fucking EYEBALL. A big ole yellowish peachy bump grew right on up distorting the orbital smoothness and pleasing symmetry of my fucking EYEBALL. Picture the top 3rd of

The Wall

2006-02-16T11:28:00.000-06:00

Terry's flown across the oceanLeaving just a memoryOscar in the family albumTerry what else did you leave for me?Terry, d'ja leave a Nathan's for me?!?All in all it was just a brick in the wall.All in all it was all just bricks in the wall....If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

Saturday the 11th

2006-02-11T14:34:00.000-06:00

Another Saturday filled with champagne and longing. Thanks to Gian for introducing me to Jeffery Lewis. I recommend everyone go to his myspace page and listen to Will Oldham Horror. (Gorj, he makes comics too). Of course today I’m also really enjoying the Ben Folds/ William Shatner project Has Been. I think I might walk out to the burnt-out trestle and look for a dead body afloat in the Mighty

Ortho's Necropsy Results

2006-02-07T13:45:00.000-06:00

I don't mean to be macabre or insensitive, but people keep asking what I've found out about Ortho's untimely demise. Here's what I know. Here's, I guess, all there is to know. Posted below are the two pages of her necropsy findings. What they say is that she had peracute pneumonia, which would be very quick on set of pneumonia. Exactly how quick, no one knows, but the doctor explained that

My Cat and Girl

2006-02-03T08:20:00.000-06:00

Dorothy Gambrell sent me my personalized Cat and Girl cartoon (well, it's not really a Cat and Girl cartoon, but you get my drift) for making a donation to her just because she's really funny and clever. Here's a scan (click to embiggen):And, to continue a long and hilarious tradition, here's my Clarion-Ledger Letter to the Editor of the Day (CLED).

Poor Ortho

2006-01-31T09:00:00.000-06:00

My girl Ortho passed away at some point during the night. It's really quite inexplicable. She was happy and playing last night. This morning I found her cold on the floor.She'll be missed by lots of folks. No one will miss her more than me and her brother Sebastian though.

Save The Date

2006-01-30T15:22:00.000-06:00

Ethan Clark - bicycle repairman, political activist, circus freak, little brother of Matt - has sold out. He's out to make a buck (that he promises to give away) and has edited a collection of New Orleans zines called Stories Care Forgot. (Yep, it's even on Amazon , but, you know, don't buy it from amazon). He'll be reading at Lemuria on Friday February 24 in the lem-com building. There will be

Lord Love a Duck

2006-01-26T14:48:00.000-06:00

It is, I guess, still January. It’s so hard to get up in the morning when it’s so cold and dark outside. The first thing I see every morning is a look of unbridled hatred from my cats’ four yellow eyes when I turn on the lamp. The cats glare at me before covering their eyes with their shitty little downy paws. That in itself should explain the dearth of fresh posts around this joint. The second

New Year's 2006; or, Misadventures in Boozy Nighttime Photography

2006-01-03T09:36:00.000-06:00

First, I'd like to thank my hosts for a wonderful evening:The rest are here. Beware the blur.

Yawn

2006-01-02T12:19:00.000-06:00

I can't find it online so allow me to quote from a doctoral dissertation entitled On Yawning; or, The Hidden Sexuality of the Human Yawn by one Wolter Seuntjens. It can be found under the headline Bored Stiff in the January 2006 Harper's:Yawning and spontaneous ejaculation are linked in terminal rabies, and I found a link between yawning and spontaneous orgasm in withdrawal from heroin addiction

Yuki!

2005-12-26T12:24:00.000-06:00

I just read in the Christmas day New York Times the story about Yuki Endo. I'm a sucker, I know, but it was amazing not only for Yuki's boundless curiosity and blissful innocence, but also for the way the author, Manny Fernandez, villanizes Yuki's mother for saying she's thinking about taking Rudy, I mean Yuki, away from the city.And Eric Lipton's latest Mississippi entry has been filed.

Dirty Santa

2005-12-19T09:58:00.000-06:00

More pics from the Dirty Santa party at Jaxxie's are here, so check them out if you like getting drunk with pretty girls. I like getting drunk with pretty girls. I'll even go so far as to call it my hobby.Oh - and then there's this from Friday night at Don's:

Summer Camp Memories: I

2005-12-17T15:50:00.000-06:00

Oneirogmophobia is the fear of wet dreams. At summer camp as a pre-adolescent I was oneirogmophobic, and therefore I also suffered from clinophobia, or the fear of going to bed. I was a pretty insecure kid, especially at summer camp, and I was also a late bloomer, which didn't do me any good at a camp where one took those horrific communal showers with one's cabin mates. But anyway, back to the

Elliott The Walrus

2005-12-10T17:58:00.000-06:00

Maintaining a viable presence on two web logs can be a little taxing and disorienting. I am not personally disoriented, my words are. Within the Glam Menagerie I try to adhere to Jaxxie’s mission statement: That posts be somewhat evocative of the Jackson experience and its assorted goings-on. Did I dream that? I’m not finding the mission statement anywhere. Whatever. I like the idea.The Diplomat,

The Anal and Small-Wristed

2005-11-24T11:12:00.000-06:00

Is a man's adaptness of buttoning his own cuffs while wearing his shirt emblematic of his virilty or is his willingness to let someone help emblematic of his charity?Ask yourself: Do I button my cuffs, or does someone else? What does this say about me?As for the anal and small-wristed who cuff before shirt's application, don't even get me started. And educated people have the gumption to think

Wiley the Ptarmigan

2005-11-11T10:02:00.000-06:00

Wiley is a Whitetail Ptarmigan and lives high up a rocky scree in the Brooks Range in Central Alaska. Although solitary by nature, he sometimes misses the cocks and hens that he grew up with. Wiley wonders if they’ve bred and are living in a more populous community, perhaps sharing a mountain with some Rock Ptarmigans. Wiley wonders what all the chicks he’s fathered are up to. Gee, they really

Happy Birthday D-Trane

2005-11-06T13:07:00.000-06:00

Here are some pics from the LBE show last night at the Red Room:The rest are here.

Well-Tanned Teenaged Ass-Clowns

2005-11-01T08:09:00.000-06:00

On March 1, 1995, Beverly Hills 90210 episode # 135 premiered entitled “Love Hurts.” This seminal, and you can interpret that word however you like, teen drama had its ups and downs, and ran on well past its due, but this particular episode stands out because The Flaming Lips were playing for the Walshes and rest of the guys at The Peach Pit After Dark. This is 1995, The Lips, although they’d

Jazz, Poetry, and Analingus

2005-10-28T09:52:00.000-05:00

All links in this post are safe for work, I promise.Last night took me back to Santiago's. Some of you may recall what happened the last time I was there. In the telling of this story I will try to keep in mind an old Sufi adage:A well developed sense of the dramatic has values beyond what people usually imagine. One of these is to realize the limitations of a sense of the dramatic.Anne's

Just a Good Ole Boy

2005-10-23T19:57:00.000-05:00

I was in Austin over the weekend visiting Larchie and some other friends. While having a drink with Bob, I said, "Bob, where's Chris?" Bob said, "Oh - you haven't heard."Chris and Bob and I were friends when I lived in Santa Fe. And Chris briefly lived with me in Rome. In Austin he was in an adult-themed outlaw bluegrass band called the Foggy Mountain Cop Killin Boyz. His stage name is Slick

Honest To God

2005-10-21T18:52:00.000-05:00

Larchie thinks Bad Religion is better than Fugazi, so I broke up with her. Then she played Sublime.

50 Days Later...

2005-10-16T13:01:00.000-05:00

It's like springtime in Pass Christian and Long Beach – for the trees. Most of these pictures were taken from a moving car, so, you know...(images pop). The whole of my post-Katrina Belhaven and trestle post-fire pics are up hee-ya.

I didn't even know her name was Karen

2005-10-13T13:23:00.000-05:00

Having never read any of her books – though my mom has a paperback copy of Out of Africa that I think about reading whenever I’m thinking about reading shit like The Thornbirds and Gone With the Wind (both of which I have also never read – though I did used to see a girl from time to time who was constantly re-reading Gone With the Wind, but we didn’t really work out because she was a

The Intolerables

2005-10-07T09:26:00.000-05:00

I was thinking this morning on my way to work of a short list of things that have to be done with a great deal of skill to be the least bit bearable. At the top of this list is: 1) Jazz Flute. I’m sure I will be flooded with emails from outraged flautophile hipsters in tortoiseshell horn-rims and tattered corduroy decrying from their perches in the loges the genius of Buddy Collette and Yusef

Jucifer

2005-10-03T21:09:00.000-05:00

I put some pics from the Jucifer show at Don's on up over here. They were loud and nice and discombobulating, kinda like having sex with a stranger in a falling elevator.

An Open Letter to Fred Thomas of Saturday Looks Good To Me

2005-09-30T11:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Fred,Don't take this the wrong way. I’ve told you before how I think you’re one of America’s greatest living songwriters. And it wasn't just the gin talking. One night at my house when you were touring with Nedelle you might remember me telling you that When The Party Ends is the most mean-spirited and hilarious song that I know of. I mean, I love how you make the lyrics “There still aren't

Song for Devin #1: Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da

2005-09-28T21:56:00.000-05:00

Devin keeps a sparrow in a hidden place,He says that it’s no larger than his hand.Devin holds the sparrow right up to his face,And there the sparrow seems quite content to stand.Sometimes Devin finds the sparrow an atrocious bore,And ties her little feathers in a sling.He leaves her overnight sitting above his door,And in the morning he can hear the sparrow sing:Ob la di, ob la da, life goes on

A Fair Plan

2005-09-28T10:42:00.000-05:00

Fair’s coming to town next week and it’s time to plan your itinerary. My thoughts are:Thursday, Oct. 6 – Well, it just wouldn’t be the fair without Eddie Money and Loverboy. For a measly $5 you can catch these once well-oiled sex-pillars perform all their catchy classics from Money’s fabled Take Me Home Tonight to Loverboy’s anthemic (a word which Word sagely wishes to spell anathema) Working For

Point being?

2005-09-26T13:48:00.000-05:00

My comeuppance came up this weekend. I was the first in Belhaven to get power back after Katrina (I got power back on the following Friday night), but with Rita - which didn’t even hit town despite the incessant screaming of that air-raid siren that must be located, like, under my bed - I was without power on Saturday and Sunday. Just me and all the people who live on the east side of Myrtle. No

O Barbecue, What Can't We Do Together?

2005-09-23T12:36:00.000-05:00

Oh, Lord help the poor sinners among us. God bless the destitute and tired, the drunk and disheveled, the grumpy and impatient, the nauseated and confused, the lazy and rudely roused. Magnolia Electric Co., fleeing Texas (and all their canceled Texas shows), stayed with me last night. They got in late. We stayed up later. Beer and conversation, and then Family Guy.

Blue means pornographic and lagoon means hole. This is a post about a pornographic hole.

2005-09-17T18:12:00.000-05:00

Larchie, who's in town for the weekend, and I just watched The Blue Lagoon. Jesus. It's got a whole lot of naked 15-year-old Brooke Shields, and even more naked 19-year-old Christopher Atkins. I had it TiVo'd for a while, keeping it because it stirred up some memory from boyhood of the naked Brooke Shields. It's kinda weird sitting and watching it now at 30. Not as weird as watching Brooke's

Tenor & Thrash About

2005-09-16T11:16:00.001-05:00

Great Lake Swimmers was the show to see last night at Don’s. They were great, and they got me thinking, “Just what is it about the slow, ultra-sincere male tenor that so enamors white people?” In the vein of Will Oldham and Songs: Ohia, GLS was undoubtedly familiar, while at the same time seeming like quite something

Exposé

2005-09-10T16:56:00.000-05:00

Do you know what time it is? If you guessed, It's time for high-school-arty black-and-white close-ups of some friends, then you're right. (Roll with the hyphenations...) & click to embiggen.Pictured are, in descending order: Puggy, Jaxxie, D-Trane, Larchie, Jaysus, Bucky, and Anne.Writing that kinda makes me feel like I'm in a real bad-ass BMX gang.

Wall

2005-09-09T08:38:00.000-05:00

I'm a little embarassed by the last paragraph of yesterday's post. 'Tis more than a tad maudlin and histrionic. But I wanted to say that I started yesterday by going to photograph the Prayer Wall at the lower school. This is a sampling of 4. There are hundreds. Click to enlarge.

Insomnia

2005-09-08T07:01:00.000-05:00

I watched the hours tick away last night. They went by a bit too fast, so I know I was probably sleeping some, and that my sleep was as shallow as a reflecting pool that amplified and confused my frustrations and neuroses.I realized I didn't know where my darts were, and that I had last seen them at Don's on Saturday. The amplification of that fact being an especially aggressive confrontation

That Krazy Kat

2005-09-03T12:53:00.000-05:00

Well, that was something you don't come across everyday. I got power and shit back today and and will provide all y'all with a smattering of the hurricane-belhaven relationship. more will soon be up on flavorflanks.com when I can get otherjay to do that for me. Also pictured are some pics from the trestle fire that happened 2 days before the 'cane. Matt lost his window, Anne her car. there's also

This Blog Will Eat Itself

2005-08-24T07:56:00.000-05:00

Last night I dreamed I was Sally. Nothing intimate – I wasn't living with Larry and Lulu, but I was definitely Sally; I was in her body; I had her face. I was working in what I imagine her workplace to be like. The Doag Loaver was there, though, incidentally, the DL looked like Sharon from Larchie's old blog, only heavier (I've seen a picture of Sharon). It was my job to throw some big party at

Young, and Pork

2005-08-23T22:10:00.000-05:00

Last night for dinner I made a pretty good carbonara with salami instead of pancetta, just because that’s what I had in the fridge. Tonight I ate the leftover pasta along with a broiled pork chop. I think a lot about the creatures that I enjoy eating. I definitely appreciate their sacrifice, no matter how against their really quite formidable wills it is (and I buy grass-fed and free-range and

Shane With The Mane

2005-08-20T14:33:00.000-05:00

So, last night at WC Don’s everything was just moving along swimmingly. The beers were nice and cold; the camaraderie was ebullient; et cetera, et cetera – just another night at the bar. I made some new friends and was going upstairs to one of the billiards rooms with them when I saw something I’ll not soon forget.Flesh. Lots and lots of flesh. “Pendulous” is an overused word when talking about

We did it all for what again?

2005-08-18T09:50:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning with a song stuck in my head. My alarm hadn’t yet gone off, and I was feeling kinda awake, so I figured that the alarm would soon be sounding, and I didn’t want to wake myself up any more by actively looking at the clock and seeing what time it actually was. So I just lay there singing this song over and over and over in my head. Eventually I realized that I’d been doing it

U-Haw

2005-08-13T12:47:00.000-05:00

This morning we went to get Larchie's U-Haul truck so that she can start packing for her move to Austin tomorrow. Here is where we picked up the truck, Fisher Wholesales on west highway 80:Mr. Fisher was a kind man. He was watching Discovery Kids on NBC. He talked a lot about how hot it was – he didn't have AC. Mr. Fisher has been in Mississippi for 18 years. He lived in Houston before then. He

Laurel Park

2005-08-12T16:39:00.000-05:00

The house where I now live is very close to Laurel Park, but I’ve been going there for years. I love that park. It’s where parents bring children to play and sometimes skateboarders loaf around (there is, after all, no place to skate, it being entirely a green space with some soft mulch around the playground equipment). But everybody minds their own business – the young mothers with their hair

The Hegelian Dialectic

2005-08-08T18:59:00.000-05:00

Today Larchie and I went to the Museum of Natural Science. She had never been. Sue the T.Rex was pretty balls-to-the-wall radical. Until today, when it came to me and the T.Rex I was burdened with misconceptions. I feel that a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders and that the blinders have been removed from 'round my eyes allowing the full scope of life's infinite horizon to come

Que sera; era.

2005-08-05T16:14:00.000-05:00

Last night was such a nice, cool night that Larchie and I decided to go have some patio drinks at Que Sera Sera. “Whatever will be, will be,” as the song goes; well, last night, whatever will be, was.Jay and Steve of Charlie’s Room are playing guitars and singing and it’s just godawfully bad. These kids do the most sincere covers of the lamest generic corporate rock ever. Goo Goo Dolls. Counting

No Shit, Dick Tracy

2005-08-03T16:03:00.000-05:00

What do you think of when you think of these people:Chuck Woolery, Diane Lane, Anthony Michael Hall, Dale Earnhardt, and Kenny Rogers. That’s right, it’s Six Pack: "the single most awesome movie ever," according to oft-quoted Times film critic A.O. Scott.Kenny Rogers plays Brewster Baker, a down-on-his-luck stock car driver. Diane Lane is 16. A year after Six Pack she'd turn in the remarkable

Sick of the Shtick

2005-08-02T13:58:00.000-05:00

This morning while I was eating some chicken pasta salad with orzo, olives, feta and red peppers, and drinking a bottle of Sonoma county zinfandel, wondering that if I were a Jew, would I be able to enjoy this wine that is probably kosher in all respects, but the production of which is probably not overseen by a rabbi, and thusly a dietary restriction, I thought that, sure, Jews have a history of

When Wings Take Dream

2005-07-28T14:07:00.000-05:00

Well, boys and girls, this is what happened to Der Albatross sometime between 9:30 and 10:12 p.m. in the flood-lit parking lot of Santiago's on South Street by the downtown P.O. The photos were taken with my phone, that's why the quality is similar to tara reid's ass. On second thought, the picture quality is better than that.All the guys at Santiago's were super cool though. This cat from

Mmmmmm for Martin's

2005-07-26T11:41:00.000-05:00

Antediluvian is the right word. Last night I went into Martin’s for the first time since the great capital city bar schism of late march ‘05, and, I gotsta tell you, it was so nice sitting on a funky red bar stool that sat askance the bar so that I’d slide out if I wasn’t facing the bar directly. It was so very nice there, with Heather in her old place and Chubb in his, and goddam, I almost got

Penguin Pulled Pork

2005-07-22T15:08:00.000-05:00

March of the Penguins is a beautiful and moving film with perhaps the single most lusciously erotic lovemaking seen I have ever seen on the silver screen. Seriously. It's nuts. Then again I'm a sucker for anthropomorphic nature films ("Her grief is unbearable," says Morgan Freeman of a mother penguin upon losing her chick). I knew exactly what I was getting into though; Larchie, on the other hand

Bat!

2005-07-22T11:23:00.000-05:00

My entry into the great bat competition: /That's Jaxxie in case you didn't know. Be sure to check Gorjus's entry, as it kicks more than a little ass.

Dispatches From The Good Life: Part Two

2005-07-18T09:50:00.000-05:00

Well, living right in Ridgeland is coming to a close. The good docs are coming back to town today. Somehow it’s rained almost every day since I got the pool-house, but really I have nothing to complain about. The rum was gingered, the beer was cold, the steaks rare and served with butter and a touch of brown sugar, the dog as three-leg’d as ever, and the goddam pool-boy was absentee. What the

The Specter of Bean Blossom

2005-07-14T10:08:00.001-05:00

Larchie’s mom, whose name is Lula, grew up in an antebellum house built in 1842 called the WS Home in Ripley, Tennessee. Ripley is just 5.6 miles up TN-209 in Lauderdale County from Henning, Tennessee, the birthplace and boyhood home of Alex Haley. The town of Opossum sits between the two. WS, the man, not the house, was the Chair of the Democratic party in Tennessee in 1939, and in 1940 was a

Dispatches From The Good Life: Part 1

2005-07-11T10:58:00.000-05:00

I’ve only been in my starter mansion for two nights now and already my legs are sore from having to make the 4-mile trek from bedroom to kitchen to pool and back.Yesterday evening, as Dennis was blowing in, the Architect and I chaise-lounged poolside and enjoyed the wind. (Ha. I just wrote, “as Dennis was blowing in the Architect.”) Anyway, it was good that we could remain civil towards each

My Cats, God and Impotence

2005-07-07T09:59:00.000-05:00

Last night I went over to Jaxxie’s for some front-porch boat-drinks but had to cut it short. I got a headache behind my left eye, where I always get my headaches. If I were to describe it I would say it was like there was a mischievous little man there, behind my left eye, haphazardly entangling my capillaries – squeezing here, tugging there, tying-off that one.Once home I decided to take a bath

07/04/05

2005-07-05T10:36:00.000-05:00

In my on-going efforts to ameliorate the bruises left by the British Colonial Instinct I went and drank copious amounts of real American beer in brackish American wetlands with solid American friends (and their Jacksons).Many are the stories but foggy are the memories. The details can be filled in later on, but here’s a picture of Fearless Leader peeing aft of a Coast Guard vessel that had pulled

Long Distance

2005-06-30T13:48:00.000-05:00

One fine spring Sunday morning when I was three or four I was in my yellow zip-up sleeper with Bugs Bunny on the front and the little footies with what looked like duct tape on the soles. I was playing with matchbox cars in my across-the-street-neighbor Phillip's front yard. Phillip was there with me, he was probably five or six at the time. It was the late-70s and my parents drove this giant

Don Claw

2005-06-29T15:02:00.000-05:00

I was just IMing with my friend Seleta in San Francisco and she was asking what's been happening. The conversation went like this:Patrick: the only bar that's left: WC Don'sSlolita: that's disgustingPatrick: I'm disgusted and humiliated on a much realer level than you can imagineSlolita: don't underestimate my imaginationSlolita: it has no bounds when it comes to disgust and

Flavorflanks

2005-06-28T08:32:00.000-05:00

Flavorflanks, my sister site, has been updated with photos from Jaxxie's Memorial Day Party, my trip to Italy, random shots of drunk people in my house, and much, much more.I am also now sharing my office-space with the lovely and talented Mary Collins Harwell. Should be a good year. Wish us luck as we begin this journey together.I want to thank otherjay for all his hard work.And I want to

My Wet Sabbath

2005-06-27T09:00:00.000-05:00

Lord loves a birthday party.I want to thank everyone for coming out and supporting me this weekend. I’ll be on tour again soon.There are lots of great things about yesterday – friendships were reinforced, bonds strengthened, plots hatched, jokes made, melons eaten – but I think my favorite thing about yesterday was the drinking. I’m really having a hard time expressing the deliciousness of the

Briefly Noted

2005-06-24T10:02:00.000-05:00

I'm so tired and bored at work today. It's a minor miracle that I dressed myself - and from the looks of things I kinda fucked that up too.I want to thank everyone for indulging my ego these last couple of days, they were certainly great days.Allow me go on record:- Woodie Assaf memorabilia is way overpriced- The grape martinis at Bravo are fucking godsend- Lord Jim is Joseph Conrad’s best workI

George Has Got The Fear, Part I

2005-06-22T16:05:00.000-05:00

Well, to me at least, it seems posts about Woodie Assaf’s yardsale and mostly-retarded rants about staging theatre inside of Mary Magdalene – well, to me at least – that doesn’t really seem to cut all the mustard. Let’s do some more storytelling, shall we? If you’re lucky it may even be illustrated (and, by the way, if said illustrations occur they are meant to be derivative of W.G. Sebald, not

Woodie Assaf Estate Sale

2005-06-21T11:53:00.000-05:00

Oh Snap!The Woodie Assaf Estate sale!Thursday - Saturday, Doors open at 1All of my christmas shopping done in June:"Dude, you got me a tie?""Man, that's Woody Assaf's tie.""You really are a God among men, y'know?"this is a picture of Woodie with Channel 3 RADAR

Babydoll Bilbo Tees

2005-06-21T09:58:00.000-05:00

Happy solstice – it’s all down hill from here, kiddos.There were two real highlights to last night. One was talking to Laura about how she used to have headgear in the old-school style:(no, this is not a picture of Laura in her headgear. She wouldn’t give me one. So, for all you budding little photoshoppers, steal a pic of Laura from her friendster profile, or her myspace (websensed at work, so

Reconstructing Magdalene

2005-06-20T10:23:00.000-05:00

From an email OtherJay got: “MY NAME IS MARTHAI AM FINISHING A NOVEL BASED IN MARY MAGDALENEARE YOU INTRESTING?”It’s reassuring to know that I’m not the only Christian soldier who’s hard at work finishing a Passion Play that takes place entirely inside Mary Magdalene. She has such natural ambiance! Martha’s coming into my life, you know, “right here, right now,” as those good Christian boys once

Jesus Juice

2005-06-19T10:15:00.000-05:00

In today's Clarion-Ledger Cal Thomas writes of Michael Jackson:"They [his sycophants] will discard him like a soft drink can, leaving him to consume and to be consumed by his own Jesus Juice."What in the all-holy name of fuck is that s'posed to mean?and this is worth checking out. It's Neal Pollack's account of finally realizing that Neal Pollack fucking sucks.

Pandora the Yellow Lab

2005-06-17T08:57:00.000-05:00

This is in today's Clarion-Ledger. With all the problems in the world today why do you think Tami Eisaman gives her yellow lab Pandora a dildo as a chew-toy? Somebody, please, think of the children.That's it!Let's get the children some dildos to chew upon! Tami, thank you dear, for giving me not only an interesting hobby, but also a wildly offensive raison d'etre. Kudos, Ms Eisaman.ps - I now

The Shoe Angel

2005-06-16T15:29:00.000-05:00

This is the story of the Shoe Angel. I was living in Rome with Palo. It was September and still quite warm. Palo had brought some weird kind of pill with him from the States. They were strong pills with a name I never knew. We were stoned on the pills and watching Italian TV. I was drinking Ceres Ale too.It was around two in the morning and we were hungry. The only place open was the all-night

The Don's and I

2005-06-15T11:31:00.000-05:00

I woke this morning thinking of The King and I. I'm not sure why, being neither Siamese (if you please), nor especially regal. Just something about Anna. Maybe the way Mrs. Anna teaches her forthright and ultimately conniving, though worthwhile (for the sake of Siam) Western ways to the royal court. I mean, the Siamese harem did a balletic rendition of Uncle Tom's Cabin for the haughty English